Tick tock, the moments click away…
There I am gazing desirably at accomplishment—
languishing even the fleeting thought of achievement-
just one undone task defeated, standing triumphantly like a cavalry on the hillside.
It’s shadow projecting down on the goals below.
A recurrent fantasy that plays continually throughout my adult life.
It’s like a black and white film, clicking and rolling through the scenes of what could be…
Productivity. I march along in formation, submissive to your whims.
Yes, like a drug stimulating my serotonin levels-
The more I accomplish, the more my heart pumps-
A crutch that holds up my control addiction,
Like a Gothic buttress jutting out from antiquity- embracing and reinforcing a powerful structure
I’m bent on checking off that running list in my mind–
as with each mark, my soul says, “This is better than mocha frappachino!”
But you are insatiable, oh task at hand–
you are never done– I never truly check you off—
you, task, are a chameleon, you metamorphasize-
you start out as manageable, and then, in the snap of my fingers,
your requirements change- just one more- one more moment- one more pursuit
Oh task, when did my contract became salaried? When did I become your indentured servant?
A busy mind juxtaposed with a wandering heart-
This infinite striving for a gratification surge is tiring.
My worldly source is tapping out—it can’t keep up with my folly.
It’s temporal nature dissatisfies my eternal desires.
Amidst this rat race, my heart says to stop—
recognize that there’s more to life than this.
Yes, investments that pay big rewards—
His name is Christ. He is the First and the Last. He is all things to all people.
His name is eternal. His work impacts the now—the forever.
Ah sweet satisfaction at long last!
Their names are Curiosity, wonderment, sweetie pie–
They are little blue eyes looking longingly at me-
asking for a little time- Where have you been, Mommy?
Looking for moments of acknowledgement-
acts of affirmation and assigned value-
In need of real connection, not just going through the motions.
To stop, to look, to touch, to take part, to delight…
Our hearts melding, I’m awake again! Fully cognizant of them-
these sweet treasures inlaid with gold- glimmering, shining, dazzling–
empowered, strengthened while a knowing of oneself surges– bubbles up.
I see their confidence in Him,
attraction to what is good, life’s direction outpouring!
Yes, task, comparably, you are weak. Your rewards are empty.
but, worry not, I won’t forget you.
However, for now, I plan to indulge in sweet moments that will pass in a moment.
A season that is here and gone.
Little souls in which I was destined to be bonded.
And through Christ, all is revealed.
Yes, task, you will have to wait.
And when I return to you, you will be in your rightful place–
Not a drug. Not a crutch. Not a form of control.
but instead a leisurely hobby that I do on a Sunday afternoon.
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Right now, God is reminding me to invest in what’s true to the heart of God. During times of stress, I tend to run toward tasks to complete in order to make myself feel better and more in control. While tasks are not a sin in themselves, it’s important to seek God and ask where our devotion should lie– what he would have us focus on for this season. God is the only source that never runs out, so He has been reminding me to focus on HIM first– to get fueled by HIS filling and them to overflow into the mission field he’s called me to, which is my children first:) God is so kind to gently nudge me in the right direction when my heart begins to stray. He’s faithful. He’s the real deal. I pray you are getting your fuel from the right source– Jesus Christ. He is the bread of life– He is living water– when he fills us, it does not run out. May the Lord bless you always, Regina
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“10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?”
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:10-14)
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