You are…

You are here. You are here; next to me; holding my hand; reassuring me. You are here. And your presence is sheer confidence– like being paraded proudly through a room full of people on his arm. Yet, you are so much more than a moment in the spotlight being honored and admired. You are sustenance. You generously wrap your peace in a petite hand-carved box from my favorite jewelry store. You know every sweet dream that I’ve ever yearned for– yet lovingly, you are fulfillment far beyond what they can fabricate… You are all things I’ve ever desired. You are all daydreams preciously packed with reality– you are the perfect recipe for meaning in this life.

And when held up in contrast to whats counterfeit, you outshine it all. While pitiful alternatives try to compete, they are reduced to dust. Just one taste of what’s true and pure, and no other stands a chance– it’s not even a competition– the alternative stands there in humiliation… It can’t be helped. Nothing could look remotely attractive when compared to you. It’s simple, really. You are what’s right. You are what’s often missing. I was designed to be with you, and because I am, I can walk through any door knowing that what’s behind it can’t touch me. You are my one and only forever.

When I write these words, I know that it’s true. As I walk through, what may be one of the hardest seasons yet of my life, I have this incredible peace– not my own, but from God alone. I know that Christ is powerfully holding me up and giving me strength to trust him and to rest in him. He’s been so kind to bless me and my daughters during this time. Since becoming a follower of Christ in 2003, I’ve always been in love with him, but during this season, I’m even more so– just drawing more and  more close to him than ever before. I pray that no matter what season you are in, you will feel God’s love more intensely than ever:)

I Peter 5:7, “Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you.”

 

Gangster…

Entitlement is the unrealistic idea the this world owes me something. Entitlement is the belief that I deserve more than I do. Entitlement is a trap. It’s poison. It’s the opposite of humility. It’s deceptive. Entitlement, when given the chance, pulls out the big guns. It’s the gangster on the block that owns the local residents. It muscles its way in and disguises itself as something we need… like “self respect”,  protection or normalcy. But, in reality, entitlement is nothing short of a personified cancer– malignant, toxic, yet shrouded by society as a cool, refreshing organic smoothie.

And yet, something about it just isn’t right… it’s like a light bulb goes off when we indulge in it– like eating an entire Ooey Gooey Butter Cake at 2 am while no one’s watching. In the moment, it feels so “ooooh SO right” to indulge, yet it bears the wrong fruit– tummy trouble, indigestion, guilt and yes, even a few pounds added to the scale. And when I’m tempted to feel like I “deserve” something or another, it’s so enticing to go there… My human nature desires to believe that I am more than I am.

However, I know it’s false. I know because of the effects its bore in the past– dissatisfaction, a feeling of heaviness…   And my conscious begins alerting, “Warning: Bleep Bleep Bleep: Don’t Drink the Kool-aid!” It’s like a beautiful car in a used car lot for an incredible price. We’ve all heard, “If it’s too good to be true, then it probably is.” Our wisdom kicks in and says, “Don’t go there. You know it’s not what it seems.” And yet, there it is, looking incredibly beautiful luring us over. And as we begin to falter, the salesman leans in to seal the deal wearing nothing short of a cheap business suit with a fake smile. It’s disgusting. Yet, for whatever reason, we’re drawn to it. It’s called being human.

Entitlement is exactly that. While society leans in to convince us that we “deserve” all the best toys; that we “deserve” to be treated like kings and queens, that we “deserve” to have all our needs met just the way we like, that we “deserve” to have what we want NOW. It’s a trap. This thinking just sets us up for disappointment because it’s contrary to real life. Life is not going to hand us all our desires on a silver platter (He’s not that kind of guy). Life will, however, give us seasons– seasons of joy, seasons of excitement, seasons of monotony, seasons of disappointment. And, we have to view each season, even ones of suffering and trial as blessing. Because, to engage in entitlement leads to bitterness and resentment. It destroys our person. It makes us angry. It repels others away from us. And before we know it, it’s filled us up with all the things that society loathes: hatefulness, pessimism, disrespect for others. Isn’t  it ironic that the same society that promotes entitlement despises it’s consequence?

It’s counter-cultural to view ourselves as we truly are: sinful, unholy, ungodly, broken, selfish, etc., etc., etc. And to be honest, it’s a little depressing to think of ourselves that way. But, in a small way, it’s healthy, too. It shows us that we need help. We NEED a savior. 

And, through God, we don’t have to just accept that we are these things, but can have victory through Christ Jesus to overcome. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17).” Thankfully, being a new person who is no longer deceived by entitlement is not achieved on our own volition, but with God’s help! “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty (Zechariah 4:6).” Thanks be to God, and his name is Jesus. 

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Today, I really struggled with entitlement. It was a tough day. The transition has been hard on everyone and one effect has been that my sweet girls have been having trouble sleeping at night and napping. With that, mom doesn’t get a break. Meanwhile, I am trying to apply for jobs and look for places to live, etc. So, it only took a few days for my heart to begin to indulge in the idea that I “deserve” time to myself. And, it took only minutes after indulging for me to realize it– my attitude began to get ugly. Immediately, I knew that I needed God to help me. And He is. I know I can’t be perfect, but by his grace and with his help, I can try to do the right thing moment to moment. I pray that you are finding peace in the Lord regardless of what season he has you in! Regina

the guard.

Oops, I slipped. My heart unguarded– an unreserved openness– a little piece of my heart given away as a gift only to be crumpled up like a piece of tissue paper and thrown in the wastebasket with a resounding “hurrah!”. A gutteral “uuhmph!” “Score!” 

A minuscule relapse with floods of repercussion, like the wall of a dam disintegrating against the force of water powerfully havocking everything in its path — false understandings painted to look authentic. It was too easy to be vulnerable– fragile, looking for an affirmative response– or one of regret or even a little remorse (now that would be satisfying). And then the harshness of reality is there- staring blankly at me with a sinister smirk. Um, no. The way you perceived your position was an illusion, pathetically rendered to appear legitimate. Oh dread! How depressing!

And so, with this relapse came anger. It was overflowing in my heart– angry that I’d let my guard down. Angry that I had felt. Angry that it had come to this conclusion. 

And then, I remembered that I have to stand strong in God’s Word– letting it seal up my heart, graciously protecting it from future mishaps and filling every nook that yearns for anything this world can offer– I watch as truth pours itself methodically into each cranny of my heart like maple syrup on pancakes- and I feel the healing come. It wells up in the inner place. It does a Kung Fu, “ha yah!” and kicks the bitterness out on its behind. It’s the love of Christ Jesus. It fills me up and reminds me that no one is perfect. It reminds me that I, too, need grace. It reminds me that it’s impractical to look to humans to provide the things that only God can. And then, I remembered yet again that God commands us to guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23). This is wise. It’s good. It’s God’s way. 

 

Rooted.

Roots. Roots provide. Roots dig deeply into rich, nutritious soil– soil that is filled with vitamins, organisms, food. They are dynamic and alive. They are intentional. They have direction. They provide nourishment to a towering and majestic entity that is full of life–animated, viable– an entity that has its own ecosystem within itself.

Roots are the “go-getters.” They are the ones that push in the opposite direction as their chloro”filled” counter parts. While stems and flowers and fruit greedily reach for the sun, roots dig deep into the cavernous earth to “get the job done”. Roots sacrifice a life of light and blue skies so that fruit may be birthed– so that fruit may come forth and thrive.

Roots. Without them, plant life would cease to proliferate (no more morning glories for you). Roots.Without them, little girls would have no where to rest their dusty little bottoms at the foot of lofty oak trees. And roots. They provide anchor. They protect the tree from being unexpectedly catapulted across the meadow (this is rather handy).

And as is life. We, too, need roots. Roots are the part of us that dig deep. It’s the part that’s a workhorse. It’s the part that sacrifices on behalf of our family- our children or even others in need. Roots are too busy getting things done to join us in our little pity-parties. They aren’t thinking about their life out in the blue sky with the birds chirping because they’re focused on the job at hand. And meanwhile, roots are thirstily drinking up nutrients that make the entire entity strong. And we know that true nutrition comes from Christ alone. It’s God’s hand– guiding, sustaining, loving. It’s edifying. It’s wisdom for the day or task at hand. It’s grace, which enables us to “do the things we need to do when we need to do it (Joyce Meyer)”. Being rooted in Christ helps us stand up– tall and with dignity despite circumstances.

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Today was a really hard day. But, God just reminds me that his grace is sufficient. Thanks be to Jesus Christ, whose mercy never ends.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

A notch…

I have a notch. It is an indentation. It is pressed in and awkward because what caused it is no longer there. And after 7 years, there is a missing part, left with simply a notch. What I write of is my wedding ring… I find that I keep reaching for it, as it was a little big and would turn, with the diamond falling downward with gravity. Therefore, I continually turned it back– rightside up, the way it was supposed to be. 

This ring was beautiful. It was weighty (in my modest opinion) with a three quarter carat diamond encased in white gold with platinum prongs. No, I wasn’t one of those girls who took it off every time I put on lotion, or bathed, or did dishes, or changed a diaper. Nope. This was a working ring. As long as I had a finger for it to rest on, it was there, with the exception of the occasional cleaning. 

Because this ring symbolized my heart… It was committed. It shut down any insinuations that I may be single. It seemed to yell out from down there on my left ring finger, “Hey!! Look at me! Here I am!”. I wore my status as married not only in a ring, but as an air. I proudly called myself wife. I took great joy in my commitment to endure and be faithful for the long haul. And yet, here I am with a notch (and let’s not mention the farmers tan)…

And yet, God tells me to forget the notch and look forward because he has given me a new start. I guess that old notch could represent a plethora of things other than absence– it could signify being too comfortable or just having a ring that was too tight at one time… Basically, now, with the notch in tow, I have to reevaluate who I am. I am no longer wife, but I am Christian. I am mother. I am breadwinner. I am joy-exuder. There are so many things I am that being wife trumped (as much as I loved it). So, for now, I will try to stop reaching for a ring that is not there and look to Christ to teach me who I am once again…

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)”

Ashes.

Ashes. What comes to mind when I think of ashes? Ashes are a “have been.” Ashes are a remnant of something that was and is no longer. Ashes are worthless for building things or for creating new things. Ashes are what was. Ashes are dead. Ashes are blown away in a breeze and lost forever.

Yet, ashes are significant in that they fertilize the earth in order to bring new life– the old gone in a violent blaze charring or destroying everything in its path; followed by a time of stillness after the power of a wildfire– the creatures scattered, just the empty silence of a burnt thicket– a monochromatic panorama of life that was.

And then, after a time, buds begin to emerge, slowly winding their way out of the ash up toward the light. Flowers begin to open their petals wide drinking in the sun. Wildlife begins to return– scurrying about busily to rebuild their nests. And although looking back at the smoldering ash is painful, there is a unique beauty in what is now– everything is new.

And, this is exactly what Christ does with us. He creates beauty from ashes. While we are a broken, sinful people, God cleans us up and gives us a new life with a new purpose– one that impacts eternity. I will always love Him, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.”

Isaiah 61:1-3

A place of rest…

Recently, my life took an unexpected turn. I was going along in life as a wife of 7 years and a stay-at-home mom for the past four, when everything changed. One moment, I was a happily married woman soaking up every moment of my children’s youth that I knew would pass in the glimpse of an eye– absorbing, appreciating, full of thanksgiving that I had such an extraordinary honor as to actually be there when they took their first steps, said their first words, smiled their first smiles. It was a sweet gift in a world where double incomes are not only a reality, but a necessity. I was happily married, in that my concept of marriage is realistic. I don’t expect perfection, just kindness and honesty. Of course our marriage wasn’t perfect (as none are), but I was fully committed– unwavering in my belief that a vow is for life despite ups and downs and that an honest picture of marriage is not riding off in the sunset with a euphoric kiss, but instead a mixture of work and determination. And, in that understanding of marriage– full of forgiveness, honor, love and respect, I was very satisfied without a clue as to what was next. And in a moment, the bomb was dropped… My husband informed me that he did not love me and wanted a divorce. In a moment, I went from a loved and admired wife smitten by her husband to a disposable, unloved single mother. And yet, I found a strength within me that was not my own. 

So, here I am in a world of sifting sands– a new state, with a new marital status (aka dumped), looking for a new job, dreaming of a new apartment. And yet, in this place, where the storms of life are crashing around me, I find peace. Despite life’s ugly curve ball, there is rest. How, you may ask? It is Christ. Because, while humans and circumstances change in a moment, God stays the same. His love is the same yesterday, today and forever. And, by his grace we find peace and rest in his presence. 

“²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28

 

This blog is for the purpose of bringing glory to God, whether through the daily journey or the journey through His Word. I hope you’ll come along for the ride. Regina

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