Love Runs Deep …

Love Runs Deep

Seven years rushed by in a moment. Full of youth and spirited, betrothed to Christ in Heaven- swept up by his powerful grace. Yes, the Glory of The Lord shone down on a young, delivered woman- called to the ministry… Sweet and captivated by her new found love of 3 years, The Lord himself. She was surrendered to her God.

And then that beautiful day every girl dreams of arrived as she stepped, one foot in front of the other, down the aisle at her father’s hand, given away in confidence in a gown that shone white to a strong, meek, handsome servant of our God. A covenant was made and the two became one. Two sweet eternal souls joined their family of two– so precious and innocent– full of wonderment and joy. This time will always be etched on their mother’s heart as the sweetest blessing from God she’d ever received besides salvation itself.

Love is deep. It runs deep in our veins. It rushes like a river by the power of Christ. Love runs deep. It pushes us forward when it rains- when the one we love leaves. Love runs deep, it’s familiar with our God- it was born of him. Love is deep, and somehow it knows when to say goodbye.

Seven years turned to 8.5 and his wish was finally granted by the judge in his robe. And she and her children continued life on their own, she always knew her sovereign God is on the throne.

Love is deep. It hurts when it breaks. Love runs deep- it runs deep through our veins. It is power from God in a world gone awry. It’s healing anointing by tears that are cried. Love runs deep, but it never runs out, because it is born of God.

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In less than a month, I will go before the judge and this divorce will be final. It is time to close this very painful chapter of our lives. But, despite it all, my first true love has been by my side. Christ is truly faithful. He’s gentle with the hurting. He’s kind to those in need. God loves the unlovable- even those that hurt us the most, and that’s why we can love them, too. Not in our own strength, but by God’s. God lets us be a living testimony if we give him the reigns. My prayer today, “Lord give me great grace for others. Give me true agape love for those that are hard to love. Reign in me, oh Lord, and tame my foolish ways. Give me great spiritual discipline to be what you’ve called me to be. And Lord, thank you that your Word never returns to you void and that my calling is still carved in stone. I love you, my God, forever.”

Wherever you’re at, I pray that you will find strength in God alone. Regina

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A single moment…

She looked up at the dark sky filled with a big silvery moon as she meandered along the rocky shore. It was a cool night with a crisp creekside breeze that caused her to clutch her sweater around her waist as she enjoyed the peaceful sound of the outdoors– crickets singing, frogs croaking, water swishing, bugs whirring– the sweet smell of Missouri air, the quiet stillness of the countryside…yes, she was finally home.  When she glanced up the hill, she saw her modest home, that had been built thoughtfully, with lights on and could almost hear her children laughing as they gathered on a cool October evening for mugs warmed with Autumn Tea, guitar playing, storytelling and maybe even a round or two of Scrabble. Yes, the Lord in his mercy had restored the years the locusts had eaten.

As she meandered, she was shrouded in sweet peace of her new life of many years, meanwhile remembering what seemed to be a lifetime ago… Unlike her younger years, she now possessed a boldness that allowed her mind to remember that season, now so seemingly short in comparison,  on rare occasion without shame and regret– now she could view those years with honest wisdom and see them for what they were. She knew it was not all bad, as she had the most beautiful children to show for it. She remembered the moment when it all came to an end and her life changed forever. And, she recalled in humility, the power that gently led her in the right direction. It was that moment, when she chose to follow her guide despite the world trembling around her. And it was Him, her sweet guide that led her to this place called Home, surrounded by loving people and an even more loving God.

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Disclaimer: I know this post was pretty idealistic, which I usually shy away from, but because it’s “that time of year,” I thought, “why not?!” So, I hope you enjoyed the romance of it all as much as I did! 😉

Ah, the power of a single moment… As the New Year approaches, I have been reflecting on the past year. It’s been turbulent, yet a paradox of new found joys and emergent freedom. It’s amazing how everything in one’s life can completely change in a single moment. How decisions are so important with their impact touching so many different people and different lives. And yet, Christ has been so loving and merciful through this year. He’s truly grounded me, guarded my heart and has given me a bright hope for the future. He has surrounded me with loving, kind and supportive family and friends, to whom I will always remember their grace!

And then, I remember the power of a single moment almost 10 years ago when I gave my life to Christ. In that moment, my life changed forever. Since then, so many decisions have been made with him in mind. 2013 marks 10 years of sobriety, 10 years smoke-free, 10 years of His Word being written and etched on my heart, 10 years of hope, 10 years of faith, 10 years of truth. 10 years of grace. Yes, the power of a single moment. Each moment really does count and so do my decisions. My prayer for this year, 2013, is to make the MOST of every opportunity and to give Christ even more of my heart. I pray God is your strength and direction for this new year! Blessings, Regina

“¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

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lines.

Brown leather shoes shuffling along…
Each minuscule step a challenge. 
As he hunches over his walker looking at the floor-
He is white haired with a shiny bald spot facing up to the sky.

His skin is impressed with lines- some deep…some faint-
A labyrinth of pastimes- each line a culmination of memories, of stories. 
Deep inset eyes, filled with strength and dignity-
comprised of both joys and sorrows- 
Eyes overflowing with somber wisdom. 

And yet, this treasure of a man is merely forgotten.
As his loved ones have gone ahead of him…
He is a lone traveler on this Earth.
And he sees the richness of his memories–
of his people who await him on the other side.   

It is now in the final stretch of his marathon that he sees…
He sees the futility of his young plans- oh the foolishness of a young heart–
That while he sought wealth, he lay people on the altar.
That while he sought treasures on earth, he lay relationships in the fire–
precious milestones that were gone forever.  

But now, in his last days, he is quiet strength bound in a delicate porcelain vessel.
A vessel that will return to dust. A vessel full of cracks and chips. 
His power is wisdom and humility. His power is sweet confession. 
His power was righting those wrongs in sincerity long ago.

Yes, he has seen it all. He has heard it all. He is wiser than most. 
And yet, he shuffles along. But, he never shuffles alone.

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This week, I’ve been meditating on the futility of worldly treasure and how God tells us to store up “treasures in Heaven.” The elderly man in my short story is exactly who I’d like to be when I’m at the end of my life. Although, I’d prefer different circumstances, I’d like to embody his character in that while he is weak in body, he is strong inside. He is wise. He is real. He doesn’t try to pretend his past was perfect. He acknowledges his sins, but he doesn’t dwell on them. He is full of strength because he has a helper, who is Christ Jesus. While he doesn’t have all the wealth in the world, he found that having right relationships was more meaningful. He obviously invested spiritually into his family once he came to his senses because they were waiting for him on the other side in Heaven. So, regardless of his current physical state, through Christ, he had a hope– hope for eternal life and life more abundant. 

And so, during this season of my life when I’m experiencing a lot of different kind of losses, I keep trying to keep myself focused on what’s important– treasures that moth and rust don’t destroy– like the Lord and his work, my children and their spiritual needs, my family and friends. God is faithful. All material possessions will pass away, but the Word of the Lord stands forever. 

I pray that if you are in a time of loss, that God will bless you to stay focused on HIS work– his Spirit, his grace, his treasure. Blessings, Regina

^“19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

 

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Violin.

Feelings have their own desires– their own direction, their own judgments. Feelings are up and down as if flowing upon the deep melody of a violin- weaving through the acoustic spaces of one’s mind– of one’s heart.

Feelings are beautifully rendered musicality, intricate, yet somber, melodic, soulful, even mournful at times. And somehow surprisingly, capable of ushering in great pleasure, deep satisfaction, and unforgettable bliss.

Feelings are meek– they flow through the air gently etching their impact meticulously in sophisticated paisley designs, yet powerfully, with thundering resonance sounding off each surface– each person, filling up a space with it’s depth– it’s meat.

Inner feelings are difficult because they’re honest.They’re revealing. They’re invasive. They’re the nosy neighbor that can’t keep a secret to save their lives. Those persnickety feelings have a way of letting the cat out of the bag (this is unfortunate for prideful and stubborn people who desire to look stoic at all times!). Don’t you hate when feelings show themselves at inopportune times??! They’re simply blabmouths!

Feelings have a way of being pesky, over dramatic and impractical, but despite their irritating qualities, they’re also purposeful– even beautiful in a sense. They remind us that we are real. That we truly exist– that we’re human. And, as in beautiful music, life is most pleasing when it’s chaos is intermingled with order– push and pull- eclectic mixtures that play against one another- like both peace and tension, monotony and excitement, joy and trial, and so on. And, this is true simply because contrast reveals true beauty.

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Well, it’s been 2 days short of a month since that horrible day my marriage ended in a moment’s notice. It’s been such a hard month– maybe the hardest of my life yet. And, I’m still adjusting to being “unmarried.” So many things are impacted by this division in my marriage that was not my choice. So many lives impacted and touched. So many places/things/memories marred. And yet, this is my scar for the sake of Christ. My feelings are so powerful during this time that I’ve often lamented and asked God to take them. And again, he says, “My grace is enough for you.” I know that I have to feel all of these feelings and go through this time of grieving in order to move forward and eventually be whole again through Christ. God has feelings. He wept. He has joy. He has anger. We are made in his image and feelings are part of that reality. It’s just so hard. But, I know that “in all things, God works for the good of those who love him; who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). I just pray that if you are going through a time of immense emotion, that God will strengthen you and help you endure this time with his grace. May God strengthen and bless you always, Regina

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A place of rest…

Recently, my life took an unexpected turn. I was going along in life as a wife of 7 years and a stay-at-home mom for the past four, when everything changed. One moment, I was a happily married woman soaking up every moment of my children’s youth that I knew would pass in the glimpse of an eye– absorbing, appreciating, full of thanksgiving that I had such an extraordinary honor as to actually be there when they took their first steps, said their first words, smiled their first smiles. It was a sweet gift in a world where double incomes are not only a reality, but a necessity. I was happily married, in that my concept of marriage is realistic. I don’t expect perfection, just kindness and honesty. Of course our marriage wasn’t perfect (as none are), but I was fully committed– unwavering in my belief that a vow is for life despite ups and downs and that an honest picture of marriage is not riding off in the sunset with a euphoric kiss, but instead a mixture of work and determination. And, in that understanding of marriage– full of forgiveness, honor, love and respect, I was very satisfied without a clue as to what was next. And in a moment, the bomb was dropped… My husband informed me that he did not love me and wanted a divorce. In a moment, I went from a loved and admired wife smitten by her husband to a disposable, unloved single mother. And yet, I found a strength within me that was not my own. 

So, here I am in a world of sifting sands– a new state, with a new marital status (aka dumped), looking for a new job, dreaming of a new apartment. And yet, in this place, where the storms of life are crashing around me, I find peace. Despite life’s ugly curve ball, there is rest. How, you may ask? It is Christ. Because, while humans and circumstances change in a moment, God stays the same. His love is the same yesterday, today and forever. And, by his grace we find peace and rest in his presence. 

“²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28

 

This blog is for the purpose of bringing glory to God, whether through the daily journey or the journey through His Word. I hope you’ll come along for the ride. Regina

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