A single moment…

She looked up at the dark sky filled with a big silvery moon as she meandered along the rocky shore. It was a cool night with a crisp creekside breeze that caused her to clutch her sweater around her waist as she enjoyed the peaceful sound of the outdoors– crickets singing, frogs croaking, water swishing, bugs whirring– the sweet smell of Missouri air, the quiet stillness of the countryside…yes, she was finally home.  When she glanced up the hill, she saw her modest home, that had been built thoughtfully, with lights on and could almost hear her children laughing as they gathered on a cool October evening for mugs warmed with Autumn Tea, guitar playing, storytelling and maybe even a round or two of Scrabble. Yes, the Lord in his mercy had restored the years the locusts had eaten.

As she meandered, she was shrouded in sweet peace of her new life of many years, meanwhile remembering what seemed to be a lifetime ago… Unlike her younger years, she now possessed a boldness that allowed her mind to remember that season, now so seemingly short in comparison,  on rare occasion without shame and regret– now she could view those years with honest wisdom and see them for what they were. She knew it was not all bad, as she had the most beautiful children to show for it. She remembered the moment when it all came to an end and her life changed forever. And, she recalled in humility, the power that gently led her in the right direction. It was that moment, when she chose to follow her guide despite the world trembling around her. And it was Him, her sweet guide that led her to this place called Home, surrounded by loving people and an even more loving God.

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Disclaimer: I know this post was pretty idealistic, which I usually shy away from, but because it’s “that time of year,” I thought, “why not?!” So, I hope you enjoyed the romance of it all as much as I did! 😉

Ah, the power of a single moment… As the New Year approaches, I have been reflecting on the past year. It’s been turbulent, yet a paradox of new found joys and emergent freedom. It’s amazing how everything in one’s life can completely change in a single moment. How decisions are so important with their impact touching so many different people and different lives. And yet, Christ has been so loving and merciful through this year. He’s truly grounded me, guarded my heart and has given me a bright hope for the future. He has surrounded me with loving, kind and supportive family and friends, to whom I will always remember their grace!

And then, I remember the power of a single moment almost 10 years ago when I gave my life to Christ. In that moment, my life changed forever. Since then, so many decisions have been made with him in mind. 2013 marks 10 years of sobriety, 10 years smoke-free, 10 years of His Word being written and etched on my heart, 10 years of hope, 10 years of faith, 10 years of truth. 10 years of grace. Yes, the power of a single moment. Each moment really does count and so do my decisions. My prayer for this year, 2013, is to make the MOST of every opportunity and to give Christ even more of my heart. I pray God is your strength and direction for this new year! Blessings, Regina

“¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

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Click.

The clock clicks away.
Every new reality finding its place.
So different. So changed.
As “ordinary” begins to sink down deep…
into soft cushy pillows, kicking up its feet.
And life goes on, even after a tragedy.

Another Click resounds.
I try not to hate it. I even try to embrace it.
As it reminds me of my weary ways.
Yet, it never lets up. Never rests.
And I find myself waiting.

The clock. It controls the days.
It’s ways written into the scheme of existence.
Running methodically, exactly as it was instructed,
long ago when all was created.
It clicks away submissively.

The clock. Sands away at my whims.
Grating at those imperfections in powerful subtraction.
Grinding, sanding, scraping, purifying.
And again, I hear another click.
As the process continues on…

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The past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling the struggle of the wait.
Sometimes, I feel like my world is spinning out of control with all of the changes in
our lives. Everything is different. The clock drives me crazy, in that I
want so much to bring everything back into order. I want to control it all. But, I’m
realizing that I cannot control all the facets of my life. So, I must somehow learn
to embrace the wait. Maybe instead of seeing the clock as a burden, instead seeing it as a
comfort… Instead of focusing on how I want a job now, maybe, on how God is so sweet in letting me spend even more time with my daughters at home before returning to work (I did get to see H’s first steps the other day!). Waiting does not come naturally to me. But, God’s ways are higher than our ways. Its in the wait that we grow and rely on Him more. And also, it’s in the wait, that we can get ourselves in trouble if we’re too impatient and not careful. So, I just keep praying, “God help me wait on you. Guide me and protect me. And, I know that you are the provider of all good things. So I will wait on you to the best of my ability. God help me to not just endure the wait, but to enjoy it– to relish every sweet minute with my daughters and family at home!” May God bless you right where you’re at today! Regina

“I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.”

Psalm 27:13-14

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lines.

Brown leather shoes shuffling along…
Each minuscule step a challenge. 
As he hunches over his walker looking at the floor-
He is white haired with a shiny bald spot facing up to the sky.

His skin is impressed with lines- some deep…some faint-
A labyrinth of pastimes- each line a culmination of memories, of stories. 
Deep inset eyes, filled with strength and dignity-
comprised of both joys and sorrows- 
Eyes overflowing with somber wisdom. 

And yet, this treasure of a man is merely forgotten.
As his loved ones have gone ahead of him…
He is a lone traveler on this Earth.
And he sees the richness of his memories–
of his people who await him on the other side.   

It is now in the final stretch of his marathon that he sees…
He sees the futility of his young plans- oh the foolishness of a young heart–
That while he sought wealth, he lay people on the altar.
That while he sought treasures on earth, he lay relationships in the fire–
precious milestones that were gone forever.  

But now, in his last days, he is quiet strength bound in a delicate porcelain vessel.
A vessel that will return to dust. A vessel full of cracks and chips. 
His power is wisdom and humility. His power is sweet confession. 
His power was righting those wrongs in sincerity long ago.

Yes, he has seen it all. He has heard it all. He is wiser than most. 
And yet, he shuffles along. But, he never shuffles alone.

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This week, I’ve been meditating on the futility of worldly treasure and how God tells us to store up “treasures in Heaven.” The elderly man in my short story is exactly who I’d like to be when I’m at the end of my life. Although, I’d prefer different circumstances, I’d like to embody his character in that while he is weak in body, he is strong inside. He is wise. He is real. He doesn’t try to pretend his past was perfect. He acknowledges his sins, but he doesn’t dwell on them. He is full of strength because he has a helper, who is Christ Jesus. While he doesn’t have all the wealth in the world, he found that having right relationships was more meaningful. He obviously invested spiritually into his family once he came to his senses because they were waiting for him on the other side in Heaven. So, regardless of his current physical state, through Christ, he had a hope– hope for eternal life and life more abundant. 

And so, during this season of my life when I’m experiencing a lot of different kind of losses, I keep trying to keep myself focused on what’s important– treasures that moth and rust don’t destroy– like the Lord and his work, my children and their spiritual needs, my family and friends. God is faithful. All material possessions will pass away, but the Word of the Lord stands forever. 

I pray that if you are in a time of loss, that God will bless you to stay focused on HIS work– his Spirit, his grace, his treasure. Blessings, Regina

^“19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

 

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Violin.

Feelings have their own desires– their own direction, their own judgments. Feelings are up and down as if flowing upon the deep melody of a violin- weaving through the acoustic spaces of one’s mind– of one’s heart.

Feelings are beautifully rendered musicality, intricate, yet somber, melodic, soulful, even mournful at times. And somehow surprisingly, capable of ushering in great pleasure, deep satisfaction, and unforgettable bliss.

Feelings are meek– they flow through the air gently etching their impact meticulously in sophisticated paisley designs, yet powerfully, with thundering resonance sounding off each surface– each person, filling up a space with it’s depth– it’s meat.

Inner feelings are difficult because they’re honest.They’re revealing. They’re invasive. They’re the nosy neighbor that can’t keep a secret to save their lives. Those persnickety feelings have a way of letting the cat out of the bag (this is unfortunate for prideful and stubborn people who desire to look stoic at all times!). Don’t you hate when feelings show themselves at inopportune times??! They’re simply blabmouths!

Feelings have a way of being pesky, over dramatic and impractical, but despite their irritating qualities, they’re also purposeful– even beautiful in a sense. They remind us that we are real. That we truly exist– that we’re human. And, as in beautiful music, life is most pleasing when it’s chaos is intermingled with order– push and pull- eclectic mixtures that play against one another- like both peace and tension, monotony and excitement, joy and trial, and so on. And, this is true simply because contrast reveals true beauty.

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Well, it’s been 2 days short of a month since that horrible day my marriage ended in a moment’s notice. It’s been such a hard month– maybe the hardest of my life yet. And, I’m still adjusting to being “unmarried.” So many things are impacted by this division in my marriage that was not my choice. So many lives impacted and touched. So many places/things/memories marred. And yet, this is my scar for the sake of Christ. My feelings are so powerful during this time that I’ve often lamented and asked God to take them. And again, he says, “My grace is enough for you.” I know that I have to feel all of these feelings and go through this time of grieving in order to move forward and eventually be whole again through Christ. God has feelings. He wept. He has joy. He has anger. We are made in his image and feelings are part of that reality. It’s just so hard. But, I know that “in all things, God works for the good of those who love him; who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). I just pray that if you are going through a time of immense emotion, that God will strengthen you and help you endure this time with his grace. May God strengthen and bless you always, Regina

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Lacerated Wedlock.

A lock has been compromised that held a rare treasure–
A lock that was meant to safeguard our lives-
in this day of broken, distrusting contracts-
a covenant was dismantled and carelessly discarded… 

A covenant based on trust- unmoving, enduring-
Yes, believe, there is a sweet remnant engaging for life (even in today’s world),
living out the days of old-
renouncing the volley of lovers
in exchange for one. One and only forever. (Novel, I think not…)

An ideology that is slowly fading into the catacombs of the earth-
a different people– a different culture- a pastime forgotten?
Yet, the secrets of it’s beauty are hidden- it’s benefits tucked away-
like a banned book full of ancient secrets being sacrificed to the flames. 

One could say she enjoyed this sweet duration while it lasted-
That she was matured into the woman she’s become (with some extra wrinkles to prove it;),
and that through this exotic concept of monogamy, she was gifted two children-
But, then the lock was exposed– broken…lacerated.

And, forever was lost in an impulse…
Her consequences substantial.
Two flesh being ripped apart on a whim.
A lock that was broken, or in actuality, simply opened with the key. 

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I’ve been reflecting on the painful effects of ending a marriage, and I truly believe that pain is a natural consequence of divorce when the marriage was vowed before God. Who are we to separate what God has joined together? He joined us– made us one flesh. It’s like ripping a person in half. Both sides will feel the pain of that. It saddens me to think that me and my children will have to endure the pain of divorce when it is not God’s desire for us. But, freewill is freewill and so we’ll endure for the sake of the Cross and somehow give glory to Christ in the best way that we can. I pray that if you are enduring divorce or another painful experience, that you, too can lean on Christ for strength during this time. Sincerely, Regina

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³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’^[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’^[b]? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:3-6).

 

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Rooted.

Roots. Roots provide. Roots dig deeply into rich, nutritious soil– soil that is filled with vitamins, organisms, food. They are dynamic and alive. They are intentional. They have direction. They provide nourishment to a towering and majestic entity that is full of life–animated, viable– an entity that has its own ecosystem within itself.

Roots are the “go-getters.” They are the ones that push in the opposite direction as their chloro”filled” counter parts. While stems and flowers and fruit greedily reach for the sun, roots dig deep into the cavernous earth to “get the job done”. Roots sacrifice a life of light and blue skies so that fruit may be birthed– so that fruit may come forth and thrive.

Roots. Without them, plant life would cease to proliferate (no more morning glories for you). Roots.Without them, little girls would have no where to rest their dusty little bottoms at the foot of lofty oak trees. And roots. They provide anchor. They protect the tree from being unexpectedly catapulted across the meadow (this is rather handy).

And as is life. We, too, need roots. Roots are the part of us that dig deep. It’s the part that’s a workhorse. It’s the part that sacrifices on behalf of our family- our children or even others in need. Roots are too busy getting things done to join us in our little pity-parties. They aren’t thinking about their life out in the blue sky with the birds chirping because they’re focused on the job at hand. And meanwhile, roots are thirstily drinking up nutrients that make the entire entity strong. And we know that true nutrition comes from Christ alone. It’s God’s hand– guiding, sustaining, loving. It’s edifying. It’s wisdom for the day or task at hand. It’s grace, which enables us to “do the things we need to do when we need to do it (Joyce Meyer)”. Being rooted in Christ helps us stand up– tall and with dignity despite circumstances.

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Today was a really hard day. But, God just reminds me that his grace is sufficient. Thanks be to Jesus Christ, whose mercy never ends.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

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