Love Runs Deep …

Love Runs Deep

Seven years rushed by in a moment. Full of youth and spirited, betrothed to Christ in Heaven- swept up by his powerful grace. Yes, the Glory of The Lord shone down on a young, delivered woman- called to the ministry… Sweet and captivated by her new found love of 3 years, The Lord himself. She was surrendered to her God.

And then that beautiful day every girl dreams of arrived as she stepped, one foot in front of the other, down the aisle at her father’s hand, given away in confidence in a gown that shone white to a strong, meek, handsome servant of our God. A covenant was made and the two became one. Two sweet eternal souls joined their family of two– so precious and innocent– full of wonderment and joy. This time will always be etched on their mother’s heart as the sweetest blessing from God she’d ever received besides salvation itself.

Love is deep. It runs deep in our veins. It rushes like a river by the power of Christ. Love runs deep. It pushes us forward when it rains- when the one we love leaves. Love runs deep, it’s familiar with our God- it was born of him. Love is deep, and somehow it knows when to say goodbye.

Seven years turned to 8.5 and his wish was finally granted by the judge in his robe. And she and her children continued life on their own, she always knew her sovereign God is on the throne.

Love is deep. It hurts when it breaks. Love runs deep- it runs deep through our veins. It is power from God in a world gone awry. It’s healing anointing by tears that are cried. Love runs deep, but it never runs out, because it is born of God.

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In less than a month, I will go before the judge and this divorce will be final. It is time to close this very painful chapter of our lives. But, despite it all, my first true love has been by my side. Christ is truly faithful. He’s gentle with the hurting. He’s kind to those in need. God loves the unlovable- even those that hurt us the most, and that’s why we can love them, too. Not in our own strength, but by God’s. God lets us be a living testimony if we give him the reigns. My prayer today, “Lord give me great grace for others. Give me true agape love for those that are hard to love. Reign in me, oh Lord, and tame my foolish ways. Give me great spiritual discipline to be what you’ve called me to be. And Lord, thank you that your Word never returns to you void and that my calling is still carved in stone. I love you, my God, forever.”

Wherever you’re at, I pray that you will find strength in God alone. Regina

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lines.

Brown leather shoes shuffling along…
Each minuscule step a challenge. 
As he hunches over his walker looking at the floor-
He is white haired with a shiny bald spot facing up to the sky.

His skin is impressed with lines- some deep…some faint-
A labyrinth of pastimes- each line a culmination of memories, of stories. 
Deep inset eyes, filled with strength and dignity-
comprised of both joys and sorrows- 
Eyes overflowing with somber wisdom. 

And yet, this treasure of a man is merely forgotten.
As his loved ones have gone ahead of him…
He is a lone traveler on this Earth.
And he sees the richness of his memories–
of his people who await him on the other side.   

It is now in the final stretch of his marathon that he sees…
He sees the futility of his young plans- oh the foolishness of a young heart–
That while he sought wealth, he lay people on the altar.
That while he sought treasures on earth, he lay relationships in the fire–
precious milestones that were gone forever.  

But now, in his last days, he is quiet strength bound in a delicate porcelain vessel.
A vessel that will return to dust. A vessel full of cracks and chips. 
His power is wisdom and humility. His power is sweet confession. 
His power was righting those wrongs in sincerity long ago.

Yes, he has seen it all. He has heard it all. He is wiser than most. 
And yet, he shuffles along. But, he never shuffles alone.

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This week, I’ve been meditating on the futility of worldly treasure and how God tells us to store up “treasures in Heaven.” The elderly man in my short story is exactly who I’d like to be when I’m at the end of my life. Although, I’d prefer different circumstances, I’d like to embody his character in that while he is weak in body, he is strong inside. He is wise. He is real. He doesn’t try to pretend his past was perfect. He acknowledges his sins, but he doesn’t dwell on them. He is full of strength because he has a helper, who is Christ Jesus. While he doesn’t have all the wealth in the world, he found that having right relationships was more meaningful. He obviously invested spiritually into his family once he came to his senses because they were waiting for him on the other side in Heaven. So, regardless of his current physical state, through Christ, he had a hope– hope for eternal life and life more abundant. 

And so, during this season of my life when I’m experiencing a lot of different kind of losses, I keep trying to keep myself focused on what’s important– treasures that moth and rust don’t destroy– like the Lord and his work, my children and their spiritual needs, my family and friends. God is faithful. All material possessions will pass away, but the Word of the Lord stands forever. 

I pray that if you are in a time of loss, that God will bless you to stay focused on HIS work– his Spirit, his grace, his treasure. Blessings, Regina

^“19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

 

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Violin.

Feelings have their own desires– their own direction, their own judgments. Feelings are up and down as if flowing upon the deep melody of a violin- weaving through the acoustic spaces of one’s mind– of one’s heart.

Feelings are beautifully rendered musicality, intricate, yet somber, melodic, soulful, even mournful at times. And somehow surprisingly, capable of ushering in great pleasure, deep satisfaction, and unforgettable bliss.

Feelings are meek– they flow through the air gently etching their impact meticulously in sophisticated paisley designs, yet powerfully, with thundering resonance sounding off each surface– each person, filling up a space with it’s depth– it’s meat.

Inner feelings are difficult because they’re honest.They’re revealing. They’re invasive. They’re the nosy neighbor that can’t keep a secret to save their lives. Those persnickety feelings have a way of letting the cat out of the bag (this is unfortunate for prideful and stubborn people who desire to look stoic at all times!). Don’t you hate when feelings show themselves at inopportune times??! They’re simply blabmouths!

Feelings have a way of being pesky, over dramatic and impractical, but despite their irritating qualities, they’re also purposeful– even beautiful in a sense. They remind us that we are real. That we truly exist– that we’re human. And, as in beautiful music, life is most pleasing when it’s chaos is intermingled with order– push and pull- eclectic mixtures that play against one another- like both peace and tension, monotony and excitement, joy and trial, and so on. And, this is true simply because contrast reveals true beauty.

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Well, it’s been 2 days short of a month since that horrible day my marriage ended in a moment’s notice. It’s been such a hard month– maybe the hardest of my life yet. And, I’m still adjusting to being “unmarried.” So many things are impacted by this division in my marriage that was not my choice. So many lives impacted and touched. So many places/things/memories marred. And yet, this is my scar for the sake of Christ. My feelings are so powerful during this time that I’ve often lamented and asked God to take them. And again, he says, “My grace is enough for you.” I know that I have to feel all of these feelings and go through this time of grieving in order to move forward and eventually be whole again through Christ. God has feelings. He wept. He has joy. He has anger. We are made in his image and feelings are part of that reality. It’s just so hard. But, I know that “in all things, God works for the good of those who love him; who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). I just pray that if you are going through a time of immense emotion, that God will strengthen you and help you endure this time with his grace. May God strengthen and bless you always, Regina

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A notch…

I have a notch. It is an indentation. It is pressed in and awkward because what caused it is no longer there. And after 7 years, there is a missing part, left with simply a notch. What I write of is my wedding ring… I find that I keep reaching for it, as it was a little big and would turn, with the diamond falling downward with gravity. Therefore, I continually turned it back– rightside up, the way it was supposed to be. 

This ring was beautiful. It was weighty (in my modest opinion) with a three quarter carat diamond encased in white gold with platinum prongs. No, I wasn’t one of those girls who took it off every time I put on lotion, or bathed, or did dishes, or changed a diaper. Nope. This was a working ring. As long as I had a finger for it to rest on, it was there, with the exception of the occasional cleaning. 

Because this ring symbolized my heart… It was committed. It shut down any insinuations that I may be single. It seemed to yell out from down there on my left ring finger, “Hey!! Look at me! Here I am!”. I wore my status as married not only in a ring, but as an air. I proudly called myself wife. I took great joy in my commitment to endure and be faithful for the long haul. And yet, here I am with a notch (and let’s not mention the farmers tan)…

And yet, God tells me to forget the notch and look forward because he has given me a new start. I guess that old notch could represent a plethora of things other than absence– it could signify being too comfortable or just having a ring that was too tight at one time… Basically, now, with the notch in tow, I have to reevaluate who I am. I am no longer wife, but I am Christian. I am mother. I am breadwinner. I am joy-exuder. There are so many things I am that being wife trumped (as much as I loved it). So, for now, I will try to stop reaching for a ring that is not there and look to Christ to teach me who I am once again…

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19)”

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